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Humor quotes (119)
If I get big laughs Im a comedian. If I get little laughs Im a humorist. If I get no laughs Im a singer.
George Burns Category: Humor
During those moments on the pitching rubber when you have every pitch at your command working to its highest potential you are your own universe. For hours after the game this sense of completeness lingers. Then you sink back to what we humorously refer to as reality. Your body aches and your muscles cry out. You feel your mortality. That can be a difficult thing to handle. I believe pitchers come in touch with death a lot sooner than other players. We are more aware of the subtle changes taking place in our body and are unable to overlook the tell-tale hints that we are not going to last on this planet forever. Every pitcher has to be a little bit in love with death. Theres a subconscious fatalism there.
Bill Lee Category: Humor
Satire is a sort of glass wherein beholders do generally discover everybody's face but their own.
Jonathan Swift Category: Humor
If a man insisted always on being serious and never allowed himself a bit of fun or relaxation he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it.
Herodotus Category: Humor
Always rise from the table with an appetite and you will never sit down without one.
William Penn Category: Humor
Whenever you find Humor you find Pathos close by its side.
Edwin Whipple Category: Humor
If you could choose one characteristic that would get you through life choose a sense of humor.
Jennifer Jones Category: Humor
He who rules must humor full as much as he commands.
George Eliot Category: Humor
Humor is perhaps a sense of intellectual perspective: an awareness that some things are really important others not; and that the two kinds are most oddly jumbled in everyday affairs.
Christopher Darlington Morley Category: Humor
Books come at my call and return when I desire them; they are never out of humor and they answer all my questions with readiness. Some present in review before me the events of past ages; others reveal to me the secrets of Nature. These teach me how to live and those how to die; these dispel my melancholy by their mirth and amuse me by their sallies of wit. Some there are who prepare my soul to suffer everything to desire nothing and to become thoroughly acquainted with itself. In a word they open the door to all the arts and sciences.
Francesco Petrarca Petrarch Category: Humor
That is the saving grace of humor if you fail no one is laughing at you.
A. Whitney Brown Category: Humor
Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious.
Brendan Gill Category: Humor
Humor is richly rewarding to the person who employs it. It has some value in gaining and holding attention but it has no persuasive value at all.
John Kenneth Galbraith Category: Humor
In most of mankind gratitude is merely a secret hope of further favours. Note: A saying ascribed to Sir Robert Walpole by Hazlitt in his Wit and Humor: The gratitude of place-expectants is a lively sense of future favours is obviously derived from La Rochefoucauld.
François Duc de La Rochefoucauld Category: Humor
A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles.
Mignon McLaughlin Category: Humor
How to Live a Hundred Years Happily 1. Do not be on the lookout for ill health. 2. Keep usefully at work. 3. Have a hobby. 4. Learn to be satisfied. 5. Keep on liking people. 6. Meet adversity valiantly. 7. Meet the little problems in life with decision. 8. Above all maintain a good sense of humor best done by saying something pleasant every time you get a chance. 9. Live and make the present hour pleasant and cheerful. Keep your mind out of the past and keep it out of the future.
John A. Schindler MD Category: Humor
These are some of the characteristics of the state of mind which the creation and appreciation of haiku demand: Selflessness Loneliness Grateful Acceptance Wordlessness Non-intellectuality Contradictoriness Humor Freedom Non-morality Simplicity Materiality Love and Courage.
Reginald Horace Blyth Category: Humor
Angels can fly because they take themselves lightly.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton Category: Humor
A sense of humor is the ability to understand a joke-and that the joke is oneself.
Clifton Paul Fadiman Category: Humor
Once I was at the Atlanta airport. I was taking the train between terminals. Its a smooth quiet train and it was jammed when I walked in. But it was absolutely quiet except for a mechanical voice calling out the stops. The doors were about to close a couple rushes in and the mechanical voice says Because of late entry the train will be delayed for 30 seconds. People were staring at the couple they were angry and I yelled out George Orwell your time has come and gone things are so efficient we're losing our humanity and our sense of humor. Now there are three miscreants: The crowd is staring at me and at the young couple. Sitting nearby was a baby on a mothers lap. I asked the baby What do you think about this? She laughs and I say A human voice at last! There's still hope!
Studs Terkel Category: Humor
There are people who can talk sensibly about a controversial issue; theyre called humorists.
Cullen Hightower Category: Humor
Good humor is the health of the soul sadness is its poison.
Leszczynski Stanislaus Category: Humor
One doesnt have a sense of humor. It has you.
Larry Gelbart Category: Humor
Satire should like a polished razor keen Would with a touch that s scarcely felt or seen.
Lady Mary Wortley Montagu Category: Humor
Wise men are not wise at all hours and will speak five times from their taste or their humor to once from their reason.
Ralph Waldo Emerson Category: Humor
Humor is the first of the gifts to perish in a foreign tongue.
Virginia Woolf Category: Humor
This I conceive to be the chemical function of humor: to change the character of our thought.
Lin Yutang Category: Humor
You are not angry with people when you laugh at them. Humor teaches them tolerance.
William Somerset Maugham Category: Humor
PANTALOONS n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.
Ambrose Gwinett Bierce Category: Humor
To hunger for use and to go unused is the worst hunger of all.
Lyndon Baines Johnson Category: Humor
The sense of humor is the oil of lifes engine. Without it the machinery creaks and groans. No lot is so hard no aspect of things is so grim but it relaxes before a hearty laugh.
G. S. Merriam Category: Humor
After God created the world He made man and woman. Then to keep the whole thing from collapsing He invented humor.
Guillermo Mordillo Category: Humor
Humor is laughing at what you havent got when you ought to have it.
James Langston Hughes Category: Humor
The love of truth lies at the root of much humor.
Robertson Davies Category: Humor
Fear not a jest. If one throws salt at you you will not be harmed unless you have sore places.
Proverb Category: Humor
The English gave Australia its laws the Scots its money and the Irish its humor.
Edmund Campion Category: Humor
Among animals one has a sense of humor. Humor saves a few steps it saves years.
Marianne Craig Moore Category: Humor
Anger and humor are like the left and right arm. They complement each other. Anger empowers the poor to declare their uncompromising opposition to oppression and humor prevents them from being consumed by their fury.
James H. Cone Category: Humor
Humor prevents one from becoming a tragic figure even though he / she is involved in tragic events.
E. T. Eberhart Category: Humor
Horace appears in good humor while he censures and therefore his censure has the more weight as supposed to proceed from judgment and not from passion.
Edward Young Category: Humor
A sense of humor... is needed armor. Joy in ones heart and some laughter on ones lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
Hugh Sidey Category: Humor
Keep your sense of humor. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy.
Amy Strum Alcott Category: Humor
The first prerequisite of an advanced being is a sense of humor.
Richard David Bach Category: Humor
A man isnt poor if he can still laugh.
Raymond Hitchcock Category: Humor
And keep a sense of humor. It doesnt mean you have to tell jokes. If you cant think of anything else when youre my age take off your clothes and walk in front of a mirror. I guarantee youll get a laugh.
Arthur Gordon Art Linkletter Category: Humor
Keep humor alive and you stay alive longer too.
Nellie Curtiss Category: Humor
A master of comedy His genius in the art of humor Brought gladness To the world he loved.
Stan Laurel Category: Humor
Nothing spoils romance so much as a sense of humor in the woman.
Oscar Wilde Category: Humor
They [gorillas] are brave and loyal. They help each other. They rival elephants as parents and whales for gentleness. They play and have humor and they harm nothing. They are what we should be. I don't know if well ever get there.
Pat Derby Category: Humor
Humor is the contemplation of the finite from the point of view of the infinite.
Christian Morgenstern Category: Humor
Of all the griefs that harass the distrest Sure the most bitter is a scornful jest.
Dr. Samuel Johnson Category: Humor
The kind of humor I like is the thing that makes me laugh for five seconds and think for ten minutes.
William Davis Category: Humor
Most of the humor here is from America. It is of the feeblest Kind.
John Shaw Nelson Category: Humor
Humor is reason gone mad.
Groucho Marx Category: Humor
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?
Dick Clark Category: Humor
I think the next best thing to solving a problem is finding some humor in it.
Frank A. Clark Category: Humor
Humor results when society says you cant scratch certain things in public but they itch in public.
Tom Walsh Category: Humor
If I had no sense of humor I would long ago have committed suicide.
Mahatma Gandhi Category: Humor
It takes courage to livecourage and strength and hope and humor. And courage and strength and hope and humor have to be bought and paid for with pain and work and prayers and tears.
Jerome P. Fleishman Category: Humor
Humor is the instinct for taking pain playfully.
Max Eastman Category: Humor
There is no defense against adverse fortune which is so effectual as an habitual sense of humor.
Thomas W. Higginson Category: Humor
The most perfect humor and irony is generally quite unconscious.
Samuel Butler the Younger Category: Humor
You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything even poverty you can survive it.
William Henry Bill Cosby Jr. Ed.D. Category: Humor
She must know all the needs of a rational being Be skilled to keep counsel to comfort to coax And above all things else be accomplished at seeing My jokes.
Sir Owen Seaman Category: Humor
Humor is the affectionate communication of insight.
Leo Rosten Category: Humor
Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.
E. B. White Category: Humor
A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that adds balance to your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.
William Arthur Ward Category: Humor
Next to power without honor the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor.
Eric Sevareid Category: Humor
Anyone without a sense of humor is at the mercy of everyone else.
William E. Rothschild Category: Humor
Humor is just another defense against the universe.
Mel Brooks Category: Humor
Dear Lord who made the face of me not all that I would have it be not really homely only plain but strong and patient in the main. Yet one a man apart who found me fair and gave his heart. Now Lord that I have grown more sage ... into middle age. I only ask as face grows lines of countenance it be described as kind; that wrinkles by my eyes will show a little humor as I go; that I may view my humble scene with glance of one content serene through grateful shining eyes that see the blessings you have given me.
Ruth Perry Category: Humor
Cheerfulness is the atmosphere under which all things thrive.
Jean Paul Richter Category: Humor
Honest good humor is the oil and wine of a merry meeting And there is no jovial companionship equal to that where the jokes are rather small and the laughter abundant.
Washington Irving Category: Humor
She who ne'er answers till a husband cools Or if she rules him never shows she rules; Charms by accepting by submitting sways Yet has her humor most when she obeys.
Alexander Pope Category: Humor
Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.
Guy Davenport Category: Humor
America is an enormous frosted cupcake in the middle of millions of starving people.
Gloria Steinem Category: Humor
So that a paradise among them seems to have been a large space of ground adorned and beautified with all sorts of trees both of fruits and of forest either found there before it was enclosed or planted after; either cultivated like gardens for shades and for walks with fountains or streams and all sorts of plants usual in the climate and pleasant to the eye the smell or the taste; or else employed like our parks for enclosure and harbor of all sorts of wild beasts as well as for the pleasure of riding and walking: and so they were of more or less extent and of different entertainment according to the several humors of the Princes that ordered and enclosed them.
Sir William Temple Category: Humor
The total absence of humor from the Bible is one of the most singular things in all literature.
Alfred North Whitehead Category: Humor
The challenge of leadership is to be strong but not rude; be kind but not weak; be bold but not bully; be thoughtful but not lazy; be humble but not timid; be proud but not arrogant; have humor but without folly.
Jim Rohn Category: Humor
Every survival kit should include a sense of humor.
Unknown Category: Humor
In arguing one should meet serious pleading with humor And humor with serious pleading.
Gorgias Category: Humor
Humor is not a postscript or an incidental afterthought; it is a serious and weighty part of the worlds economy. One feels increasingly the height of the faculty in which it arises the nobility of things associated with it and the greatness of services it renders.
Oscar W. Firkins Category: Humor
My way of joking is to tell the truth It's the funniest joke in the world.
George Bernard Shaw Category: Humor
Warning: Humor may be hazardous to your illness.
Ellie Katz Category: Humor
Class has a sense of humor. It knows that a good laugh is the best lubricant for oiling the machinery of human relations. Class never makes excuses. It takes its lumps and learns from past mistakes. Class bespeaks an aristocracy unrelated to ancestors or money. Some extremely wealthy people have no class at all while others who are struggling to make ends meet are loaded with it. Class is real. You cant fake it. Class never tries to build itself up by tearing others down. Class is already up and need not attempt to look better by making others look worse. Everyone is comfortable with the person who has class because he is comfortable with himself. If you have class youve got it made. If you don't have class no matter what else you have it wont make up for it.
Ann Landers Category: Humor
Good humor makes all things tolerable.
Henry Ward Beecher Category: Humor
All good activities which encourage people to learn how to live with one another pleasantly and to develop a sense of humor improve living.
Leonard Carmichael Category: Humor
The only thing worth having in an earthly existence is a sense of humor.
Lincoln Steffens Category: Humor
Humor is a prelude to faith and Laughter is the beginning of prayer.
Reinhold Niebuhr Category: Humor
Humor is... despair refusing to take itself seriously.
Arland Ussher Category: Humor
Humor is something that thrives between mans aspirations and his limitations. There is more logic in humor than in anything else. Because you see humor is truth.
Victor Borge Category: Humor
Humor is wit and love.
William Makepeace Thackeray Category: Humor
Jesters do often prove prophets.
William Shakespeare Category: Humor
Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn.
Irvin S. Cobb Category: Humor
Good humor isn't a trait of character it is an art which requires practice.
Dr. David Seabury Category: Humor
The first thing any comedian does on getting an unscheduled laugh is to verify the state of his .
W. C. Fields Category: Humor
Any man who has had the job Ive had and didnt have a sense of humor wouldnt still be here.
Harry S. Truman Category: Humor
Gaiety that sweetens existence and makes it wholesome a sense of humor a zest of enjoyment this is the accompaniment of courage which gives it a supreme value. Something of the high laughter of a Cyrano de Bergerac the world needs it.
Dr. Herbert Hichen Category: Humor
Mr. William Shakespeare was born at Stratford upon Avon in the county of Warwick. His father was a butcher and I have been told heretofore by some of the neighbors that when he was a boy he exercised his fathers trade but when he killed a calf he would do it in a high style and make a speech. Ben Jonson and he did gather humors of men daily wherever they came.
John Aubrey Category: Humor
On writing humor: There must be courage; there must be no awe. There must be criticism for humor to my mind is encapsulated in criticism. There must be a disciplined eye and a wild mind.
Dorothy Parker Category: Humor
That is the best -- to laugh with someone because you think the same things are funny.
Gloria Vanderbilt Category: Humor
Humor is an affirmation of mans dignity a declaration of mans superiority to all that befalls him.
Romain Cary Category: Humor
No amount of political freedom will satisfy the hungry masses.
Nikolai Lenin Category: Humor
Humor is the only test of gravity and gravity of humor.
Anthony Ashley Cooper Category: Humor
Nothing in man is more serious than his sense of humor; it is the sign that he wants all the truth.
Mark Van Doren Category: Humor
The more I live the more I think that humor is the saving sense.
Jacob August Riis Category: Humor
Marriage requires the giving and keeping of confidences the sharing of thoughts and feelings respect and understanding always marriage requires humility the humility to repent the humility to forgive. Marriage requires flexibility (to give and take) and firmness: not to compromise principles. And a wise and moderate sense of humor. Both need to be pulling together in the same direction.
Richard L. Evans Category: Humor
It was the saying of an ancient sage that humor was the only test of gravity and gravity of humor.
Shaftesbury III Category: Humor
A hungry people listens not to reason nor cares for justice nor is bent by any prayers.
Lucius Annaeus Seneca Category: Humor
Grace Give me the grace to care without neglecting my needs The humility to assist without rescuing The kindness to be clear without being cold The mercy to be angry without rejecting The prudence to disclose without disrespecting my privacy The humor to admit human failings without experiencing shame The compassion to give freely without giving myself away.
Juanita Ryan Category: Humor
Except by name Jean Paul Friedrich Richter is little known out of Germany. The only thing connected with him we think that has reached this country is his sayingimported by Madame de Staël and thankfully pocketed by most newspaper criticsProvidence has given to the French the empire of the land; to the English that of the sea; to the Germans that ofthe air! Richter: German humorist & prose writer.
Thomas Carlyle Category: Humor
Exercise ferments the humors casts them into their proper channels throws off redundancies and helps nature in those secret distributions without which the body cannot subsist in its vigor nor the soul act with cheerfulness.
Joseph Addison Category: Humor
No mind is thoroughly well-organized that is deficient in a sense of humor.
Samuel Taylor Coleridge Category: Humor
The satirist shoots to kill while the humorist brings his prey back alive and eventually releases him again for another chance.
Peter De Vries Category: Humor
The secret source of humour itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humour in heaven.
Mark Twain Category: Humor
Humor distorts nothing and only false gods are laughed off their pedestals.
Agnes Repplier Category: Humor
Humor is not a trick not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world like grace and shines on everybody.
Garrison Keillor Category: Humor
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers Category: Humor
The secret to humor is surprise.
Aristotle Category: Humor